Have faith. I don´t.

It is good to be an atheist!

As always I would suggest you to read “About” and “Checklist for The Cancer Club” before you read on. And please remember: I don´t have any religious feelings you could hurt!

A typical conversation between blasphemist and outspokenly atheist me and one of the people I sooo enjoy making mad and sad, namely those who “have faith or believe in god”.  As a preliminary let it be said that I have been quite often molested by religious people who know I have been atheist for decades and who think their chance of converting me to their faith has finally come, what with my cancer experience. If only they had known better…

Them: “Oh, you had cancer. Don’t be afraid. Have faith. God’s always there. You’re NEVER alone!”

Me: What a fucked-up idea. Even as a child I was ALWAYS freaked out but NEVER consoled by that thought. Good thing is. I don’t believe that paranoid crap. How fucked up can a parent be to threaten their child with the notion that an old hairy guy is watching them constantly, no matter what they do. No wonder that dyed-in-the-wool Catholics often suffer from psychoses and paranoia. Imagine a child on the toilet (“You’re not alone!”), or writing in its diary (“You’re not alone!”), or examining its genitals (You’re not alone!”), or picking its nose (“You’re not alone!”), or dreaming of its secret love (“You’re not alone!”). Being denied privacy altogether leads to heavy damages of personality and usually results in massive psychological problems.

Them: But God is good. He loves you. He loves everybody.

Me: Think, think, think, think, think. Wait a moment. Ah, yes, this is bullshit.

1.     I don’t know this guy. How dares he love me? I have no inclination whatsoever to be loved by him.

2.     What calculating crap. This “He loves everybody” thing is obviously a trick of his publicity department. The strategy is called over-generalisation and is used to sell as much shit to as many people as possible. Look at adverts for products like yoghurts that contain “special strands of bacteria”. These adverts suggest that your immune system is crap. That catching cold is -if not dangerous- at least a sign of a malfunction of your immune system. And they offer cure. Their product will put an end to the ailments that your imperfect body causes you. Billions of Euros are spent on products that people believe will prevent them from catching cold, or will help them overcome colds more quickly. But colds are NORMAL, they don’t kill you and you will always catch cold, over and over and over again, for as long as you live. And no matter what medicine you take: the cold will last between 7 days and a week.

3. And I have always felt molested by these scary “father-murders-his-own-son” stories of an old (and in my imagination bearded) patriarch with NO love at all for and a non-existent relationship with his son, the outcome of which is the murdering of that named son.

Them: But it wasn’t God who nailed his son to the cross, it was the Roman Governor/ Jewish community who condemned him.

Me: Why was I told this completely mind-fucking shit as a small child? It is damaging. I was completely appalled by the notion that people nailed other people to crosses. And I was scared shitless by the idea that a Jewish zombie returned from his tomb. Gosh, he must have been in such a mess, what with his bloody skimpy loincloth, no shoes, no jumper, nothing to hide his bloodstained face and his dishevelled hair. I imagined him to walk with wide open eyes and a mad stare on his dead face. I was wondering how far the rotting of his remains had proceeded when he decided to go for another walk.

Thank you very much, catholic teachers at primary school for your unasked for intrusion upon my up until that point rather innocent world view. Thank you indeed for implanting inextinguishable pictures of disgusting horrors in my head. Whoever is responsible for this, please ensure that the horror stories from the bible are labeled: suitable only for persons of 18 years or over.

Them: (Weeping, screaming, cursing) How dare you?! (blah-blah)

Me: Okay back to Jesus  and this god. Their connection is, well, hazy, or can I saynebulous??! Who did Maria have petting with? Had she missed out on the sex education lessons at school and had fallen for that stuff that you can only get pregnant if you have actual penetration sex? Well, as a biology teacher I must contradict this notion severely. If only she had listened to HER biology teacher better. Or her mother and father. Did Maria know HER father? Or can we find the reason for her inability to show responsibility for her actions (= sex!!!) in that relationship?

Them: (exasperated) But Maria conceived immaculately. She received the blessing of the holy ghost.

Me: Instead of condemning girls for having sex, which they clearly do, and driving them into some schezophrenic self-delusion, we need to appreciate them as human beings. How horrible Maria must have felt, how terribly alone and let down. I am sorry for her and for every other girl in history and even today, who is driven into an equivalent of Maria’s actions, just that today you may replace her weird choice of place for giving birth,  “the stable” by “a toilet”. What bigottry.

I bet the guy who impregnated her had a good story to tell. Where were all the good people then? But actually I don’t really give a fuck about Maria. I only give a fuck when I see how in the year 2014 in Germany girls are forced to wear their hair in long plaits, and how they are not allowed to wear trousers.

Some people argue that it is only hair and clothes, but don’t they stop and THINK before they speak? If girls are slaves in questions of haircut and clothes, how will they be treated if it comes to anything as important as say, sexuality? What if they don’t like cock but prefer pussy? What if they don’t want to get married at all? What if they want to go to University after school? What if they fall in love with someone outside their religious community? How can I shut up when I witness anything as medieval as that. These girls are denied basic human rights. Mr Ban Ki-moon, can you please send blue helmets to intervene!?

Them: (again AND stomping their feet, in a whining voice) But Maria conceived immaculately.

Me: You are repeating yourself. But okay. – Ah, yeah, that’s also what my friend said about herself when she became pregnant at 15. But later she told me that she had just fucked a bit. Of course I had no idea that her condition (pregnancy) had the least connection with sex but had naturally assumed that she had had a date with the holy ghost. Because that’s the far more convincing story.

Them: But you cannot say that. Don’t besmirch Maria’s innocence.

Me: Ohohoh, sooo sweet. Aren’t you an inconsistent little fucker!? And now you want to exchange opinions with me. But your premises are invalid for me.

1. YOU think that sex is dirty. I enjoy sex and hold it to be extremely natural and healthy. I’ve a question: Do you hate yourself if you feel anything like lust? And another one: do you have to punish yourself IF you experience an orgasm? And if yes: Would a whip be adequate or do I have to think more along the lines of thorny rods? Or would more sex be a suitable punishment as it is so dirty and bad.

Oh wow, what a complete nutter you are, if you think that Jesus didn’t need a Y-chromosome. Congrats, you have just proved to be too dumb to understand the world better than  the people 2000 years ago. Can you please pay the tax-payer the money back that your school education cost?!

2. you suggest that your world view and mine have anything in common. Your ignorance and studpidity have nothing in common with either my knowledge or my intelligence. I don’t actually want to converse with you because I am pretty sure that you won’t be able to intellectually digest any of my arguments.

3. what you say and do is wishful thinking. Your behaviour is that of a small child sitting with crossed fingers and crossed legs and eyes closed wishing soooo hard that please, please, please there be miracles.

4. you seem to think that I am interested in theological debate. With you. Sorry to disappoint you, but I am neiter interested in you, nor in theological debate, and as I don’t believe in your little god or in any other, there are no grounds for debate either. Plus, a debate is only possible with someone whose intellect equals mine and who has my respect, which brings me back to number 2. Full stop. Thank you for your attention.

Them: (Outry, outrage) How dare you insult me and my religion?! blah-blah

Me: I’ve had enough of that passive-aggressive bullshit. You know what, I really cross my fingers for you to be RIGHT about your stories about eternal punishment in hell. And that it is YOU who will end up there. God, this is such a reward for all my year-long patience in hours of intense bullshit from you.

Them: This is blasphemy!

Me: Oh, I am sooo sorry. Crying “blasphemy” is the standard excuse of the believers.

Blasphemy is the joker card of the religious, the equivalent of the “you-will-be-released-from-prison”-card of the monopoly players.

Them: (Blah-blah-blah!) God will help you back on the right path. (Blah-blah!) Never forget: you have to be greatful because god healed you.

Me: It is quite interesting to witness the weird reflex of many people who ascribe the power to an allknowing Superbeing to cure a woman of the breastcancer that this same Superbeing has equipped the woman with in the first place because it is also an allpowerful Superbeing. And it is even weirder to find these people turn against one if enthusiasm for their concept is rather – shall we say small. And my thanks go to S again (to understand this, please read “Haunted by music in the head 2: K and S” in the section “No regrets”)!

It has NOT been a pleasure.

YOURS, unfaithfully,

Maid Manu.


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