Haunted by music in the head part 2

K and S

I used to have two friends who were bulwarks of friendship and love. When I became ill they closed in and held me up. They kept me from drowning. Whenever my Ace of Base music was becoming too overwhelming, too loud, they would drown it out by normality. I could then share everyday thoughts with them and they with me. It helped me to stay sane. No, THEY helped me to stay sane. Their funny messages – K´s little chemo poems are legendary – made me laugh out loud. But also S´s heart-warming stories of Super S and Manu Croft manoeuvred me through the toughest times. Just like that. I remember moments of sheer greatfulness and joy even in the darkest moments whenever I thought about these two. They lighted up my life then.

How can I ever live without them? How can the earth still revolve when I don´t have them by my side anymore? I miss them dreadfully, but I have to grow out of them. Mum says about K: “Put her in an envelope and send her away.” She is absolutely right.

They fucked it up completely. S has turned out to be completely sick in the head. Her envy of my cancer took her over completely and brought out the heartless, mindless bitch in her. And K couldn´t bear the size of my problems. She so wanted to have bigger problems then me. How completely mental is this?!

I think I will never be fully able to let go of these two. But then, hey. I hope I have another 40 years to cry for them.

Yours, devastatedly,

Maid Manu.


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